In the fall of 1998 I was a senior in high school, the Yankees won the first of three straight World Series titles, and a new song called “Kirby Man” from a new artist hit the airwaves. The song captured so well God’s Matthew 23:37/Luke 13:34 desire for His people, and the vocals and guitars were such a warm and welcome contrast to the rest of the landscape of the Christian music of the time (not a slight, just an observation), that the song immediately caught my attention. The album was Boxing God, and the artist was Layton Howerton. Musical trends come and go, but great music is timeless, and after all this time, Howertons’ music is just that. Mr. Howerton pursued a musical career in Nashville for years until finally surrendering to the Lord’s direction toward pastoral ministry. So Howerton packed up his faithful wife and five kids and left Nashville for a new home and a new ministry in Wyoming. From there he continued to write songs with the teachings in the Sunday services. Not long after, God gave Howerton the record deal that had eluded him when he pursued it on his own.
Back in August of 2014, when I had only been writing for a few months, I began to pursue an interview with Mr. Howerton, thinking that his story and experiences would benefit us, here at Fence Posts. It was a difficult time in the life of the Howerton family though, as Mrs. Howerton had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer that would eventually end her time here. After about a year, I began to prayerfully open the lines again. Being of a private nature, Mr. Howerton does not often grant interviews, but because the Lord is gracious, he agreed to speak, one fence post to another. I loved every minute of our conversation, and I think you will too.
(We spent some time getting to know each other, then Mr. Howerton began with some thoughts on fatherhood and ministry.)
LH: It’s important to be a father, but also to be a friend. That’s especially important with adult children, like mine. You raise them to be independent, think for themselves, find their own way, and always be in a process of discovery on their spiritual journey. My parents were missionaries. I had a fabulous father. My Dad was the number one Barnabus in my life. He taught me integrity, honesty, and not just spiritual things, but moral things, things that I pass along to my kids. I came from a fundamental Christian conservative family. Linda (Mrs. Layton Howerton) and I had similar backgrounds. If you can believe it, Linda came from an even more fundamental Christian background.
My journey has been different. I’ve always been a black sheep, a ragamuffin, and a red-headed stepchild. I reach out to people who struggle in life, people who, like me, are on the fringe. Those who are “de-churched,” and unchurched. They have a knowledge of God and His goodness but they’ve been disenfranchised. My objective is not to tell anyone how to think about God, just to get them to think about God, because He’s always thinking about us. That’s the way my father shared with me. “Layton, just think about God, in everything you do.” I believe that our responsibility to our children is to teach them to love people where they are, and to love God where He is, because He is in Heaven and we are on Earth, and His Holy Spirit is working in all of us.
My wife was an incredible woman I was blessed to be with 39 years. She quoted Philippians 1:22 daily, even in sickness. “As long as I’m alive in this body, there is good work for me to do!” It’s become my mantra since her death. She passed at 59, from a rare form of cancer. I believe that I set an example to my kids about how we love each other in sickness and in health, by walking my promise to their mother. That was something I learned from my Mom and Dad.
I’m always optimistic. Some people say that I’m even optimistic about my pessimism (laughs). I think the most important thing, as men, that we can do for our children is to always be optimistic.
I don’t know if I’ve been a great father or even a good one, but I’ve been a devoted father. I’ve taught my children to love one God and one woman. For my daughter, to love one God and one man. I’ve taught them that no matter how much or how little money they have, you’ll never be fulfilled until you are using your gifts as God leads. You have to allow your children to explore who they are. We’re responsible to encourage our children to find something they love to do and are fulfilled in, with their giftings.
DC: Tell me the story of you and God. I know this is a very broad question, and you can give me the long or the short version. How did He first draw you, and that being the starting point, how has He worked in your life?
LH: My Dad was a Southern Baptist minister. That’s how I was brought up. I became a Christian when I was seven years old. Every day I’m waking up to the power of His grace and mercy. I’m still, as everyone else is, in the process of becoming. I struggled with the call to pastoral ministry for years. I once walked away from a church I went to in view of a call thinking: “This isn’t what I want to do with my life.” I never liked the title “pastoral minister.” I’m a communicator. I’ve never been a preacher in the classic sense. I’d seen so much with my parents in ministry. It can be brutal at times. I just had other plans. My “boxing God” years, I struggled with using the gifts God had loaned me for personal gain instead of aligning with God and using them for His Kingdom. But, I know now that I had to go through that experience, because God was grooming me. Everything that happens in our lives is preparing us for what’s to come. I don’t look at certain events in life as more important than others. God uses them all simultaneously. It’s all part of the journey that I had to go on to be pliable enough to be usable in the Kingdom. I’m almost 60, but I’m just coming to the age when I’m realizing that I’m not old, but instead, I’m getting one day closer to God. I ask people: “How do you view your life? Do you view it as a great love story, or as a tragic melodrama?” I even view Linda’s passing that way, all as a part of God’s great love story He has for her, and me. Today, she’s not home with a stand-in like me; she’s at home in Heaven, with her real groom, the Lord. I’ve always been able to accept the things I can’t change. I can’t change a lot of things, but I sure can change my attitude toward them. I’ve learned to be like a cat, and land on my feet. I made a decision not to live in hell’s prison, and be depressed. Like you, Doug, I just write about it. The love story of my life is not yet complete, but I know how it does complete, and that keeps me hopeful and optimistic. I’m kind of a hopeful romantic, not a hopeless romantic. I believe God is love. He loves us so much. His love is not only about us being happy, but about having peace, love, and joy, because He is the great romancer of the ages. He loves us so much; he wants us to live a positive life, a powerful life. It’s all in how you’re going to choose to view the story of your life: as a great love story, or as a tragic melodrama saga.
DC: Who are some other influential men in your life, besides your father, and how have they shaped you?
LH: I have been blessed with several great men in my life. Thomas Merton wrote No Man is an Island. Have you ever read that, brother?
DC: No sir.
LH: He wrote this book about the relationship Christ had with His twelve disciples. Every person needs the strength and encouragement of others in a close-knit group to talk with, to be accountable with, and to find the deep meanings of life with on their spiritual journey and in everyday life. Many decades ago, I began to incorporate into my life mentors. God provided them. One specific mentor, I talk to almost every day. He’s older than I am and has always been a force for good in my life. Everybody needs a few people that they can talk to and confide in. I have three to five men, all different ages in life, some older, some younger. They’re like E.F. Hutton to me; when they speak, I listen (laughs). We mentor each other. We all need to find people with the same core values, love of God, moral values, and spiritual values. We grow that way. They’re not only confidants, but like brothers in the sense that you know they’re speaking to you out of love. I treasure my relationship with them. They’re vital to me in my development as a soul, and as a human being. My father was a mentor in many ways. I always gave him the right and the privilege to speak into my life, always in respect and love. The key was I knew that he was not only my father but also my friend. I knew he always spoke to me out of love, even when we would occasionally disagree on something. When God brings mentors into your life and they speak into your life, it’s important that you recognize what‘s behind it; it’s called love. Love is not manipulation, but motivation. As it’s been said: “Manipulation is what you get others to do for you. Motivation is what you get others to do for themselves, without any benefit to you whatsoever.” I believe in life-long relationships. Long-term relationships are always of and from God, ‘cause that’s His example for how we should be, because that’s how He is, long-term. I’ve been told that one of my greatest attributes is that I never give up on people. But that’s also one of my greatest flaws (laughs). There are times when people have told me I should give up on somebody, but I find that hard to do, because God has never given up on me. Even if it’s somebody I’m not in fellowship with anymore, I still pray for them. I still think about them. I still want the best for them, because God wants the best for us. I’m a very private person, and protective of my relationships.
DC: You and I are both ministers. We’re both husbands, you with far more experience than I. You’re a father of five, I’m a father of four. What advice can you give? What do you know now that I wish I knew?
LH: I wish I’d been more like I am now, if that makes sense.
DC: It makes perfect sense.
LH: I wish I’d been mature enough and sharp enough to recognize when you’re younger, you’re more consumed with the mechanics, how do I take care of these bills, how do I do these things as a father, things that have to be done. I wish I could have told myself to lighten up, to not have gotten bent out of shape over anything. Enjoy these children. I wish I would have cherished more, not that I didn’t cherish them. I wish I would have recognized just how fast the time goes by. I’m not saying more time at the ballpark. I wish I would have realized when my children were younger that where your treasure is will your heart be also, because where you spend your time your treasure is. Time, I think I learned at this age, even with adult children, our time makes all the difference in the world. Time’s not just valuable; it’s invaluable. Spending time with our children is the greatest way of showing our love.
DC: What have you seen in your kids that they “inherited” from you?
LH: (laughing) I see things in my kids that are definitely from me, and some things that are definitely their Mama.
DC: I think that all fathers fear, to some degree, passing their faults along to their kids. How do you handle that prospect?
LH: We all learn behaviors. All of us tend to pick up personality traits that are not genetic that we learn at an early age. Behavior is learned. Whenever I saw a behavior in my kids that I knew was coming from me, I made a conscious effort to correct that; so I made an adjustment. If we fall into guilt and worry about it, we need to step back and we need to handle ourselves differently. One of my sons got into trouble as a teenager and he had done something. That particular evening I started up those steps to talk to him, and my steps were heavy. My wife said: “Just remember how those heavy steps can have a lasting effect.” I was ready to lay the law down. I wanted to let him know this behavior couldn’t continue, so my steps were heavy ‘cause I am a Daddy. But when my wife spoke that to me, her softness softened me. My steps lightened and we corrected that behavior. Had I gone up there the way I started out, that intensity, it would have been a learned behavior about reactiveness. Instead, I got lighter. I had gone from being reactive to being proactive. If you notice a behavior in your children that you dislike, it may have been learned from you. By becoming proactive, you look at yourself, correct yourself. It will often correct them. Parenting is always on a learning curve. I got better at it. There are five years between my second and third sons, and I think I knew what I was doing better as a father by then. So, my encouragement to you, is that you will get better at it. When you catch yourself, that’s the Spirit of God. He’s kind, but He’s not soft. He’s our heavenly Father. We know how His Spirit works in and through us to be more like Him, and become a good, good father
DC: I only found out this morning that you have a radio program. Tell me about that, and where I might be able to hear it from my home in Texas.
LH: It’s on Faith Radio network out of Minneapolis/St. Paul, every Monday and on my Facebook or Facebook band page. What I do is a two-minute encouragement. They have God all in them, but some of them are not so obvious. We’re here to be a light, and what I’m trying to do with that light is to be a light in a dark corner. My radio feature serves just that, to be a positive light in some dark corners, reaching to the fringe. I’m trying to get people to think about God and how important they are to Him, how we all play into the beautiful picture of life that is illuminated with God’s loving light.
DC: How can my readers and I be praying for you and your family?
LH: I’ve got new music coming out every month. Pray that I’ll continue to do what God’s called me to do. I retired from pastoral ministry last year; now I’m writing in many different formats, features, songwriting, ministry-minded. I believe that’s what God wants me to do with the remainder of my life. Pray for God’s providence in that, that I won’t say no to Him, only yes. I said no to the radio feature for years, but I realized there’s a lot of impact for good in that short format, because people can have short attention spans. Sometimes I even think that two minutes may be too much. I have a big song coming called “Only Love.” Pray for that one, and a Christmas one, “God’s Ragamuffin.” Pray for my children in the loss of their Mama. They have adjusted well, as have I. I spent sixteen glorious months taking care of her. She turned 59 on December 22, 2014. Then came Christmas. She passed away on the 29th. Our 38th wedding anniversary was on the 31st, so those were some hard times. But God gave me peace and strength. She wrote too. She left messages to our kids and to me and hoped that I would return to writing and Nashville. I did that. I am working in Nashville again, reaching as many as I can. So many things changed in me during her illness and her passing. It’s been amazing how God transformed me. Pray that as long as I’m alive in this body that there will be good work for me to do. As long as God will choose to give me life in this body, that my focus would be on doing the good work.
And there it ended, an interview with a man who, like each of us, knows what it is to “box God,” and to lose, finding joy and peace. And as Luke 17:33 says, “Whoever seeks to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.”
If you want to keep up with Mr. Howerton, you can find him at LaytonHowerton.com and on his Facebook and Facebook band pages.