Last weekend, my wife and I attended our church’s Valentine’s banquet. The evening’s entertainment included the newly-wed game, which featured some of our own couples, all of whom were chosen on the fly (adding to the drama). We had a good time and got to know each other better, but the game really brought to the surface some memories of church Valentine’s Banquets past.

The church where I grew up annually held a Valentine’s banquet, and the event always featured the newly-wed game. In one particular year, a couple named the Westcott’s participated. They were in their mid-eighties and had been married for roughly 65 years at the time. One question asked of each couple required them to remember what their first fight had been about. With the wives out of the room, the husbands had to write their answers. Mr. Westcott wrote that they had never fought. He was gently pressed to think of something, but after some thought, he steadfastly insisted that they had never fought. Sure enough, when the wives returned to the room, Mrs. Westcott considered the question and confirmed that they had, in fact, never had a fight. I don’t remember much else from that evening back in the early 90’s, but that moment has always stayed with me.

Let’s be honest; all married couples will disagree from time to time. but what I learned from the Westcott’s, as well as others in my life, is that disagreements don’t have to come to sharp words, hurt feelings, and regrets. That capacity for humility, love, and self-control are not found in human nature though, not in any of us. They are among the fruit of the Holy Spirit. For us to display the fruit of the Spirit with any consistency, we have to become more like Jesus (Romans 12:1-3, Ephesians 4:22-30, Colossians 3:8-10).

I remember another occasion a few years later, when I was a teenager. After church one day, I stood in the parking lot and saw the Westcott’s leaving to go home. By this time they were pushing 90, and the two of them slowly toddled toward their vehicle. He shuffled toward the passenger-side door, a step ahead of her, and opened it. She sat down and he gently closed the door. Then, he slowly shuffled around to the driver’s side, got in, and they drove away. I stood there, watching them drive away, and was reminded of their appearance in the newly-wed game from a few years before, and the connection became evident to me. She had never ceased to be the woman in his life. He had never allowed any mindset of entitlement, pride, or discontentment with her to take hold in his mind. All of the above will be temptations, and none of us will escape their attention entirely. But we do not have to succumb to them (1 Corinthians 10:11-13; Luke 22:40, 46; Galatians 5:21-6:1; Matthew 26:41).